WOMAN, GET OVER YOUR…SELF

                          
                                           

Selfishness, self-centeredness and anything that says me, mine, my, myself and I is a sin. “How so?” you may ask. The word of God says in Phillipians 42 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Woman, get over your…self.  This chapter was inspired by a newspaper article I read one Sunday afternoon. I hate tabloids because if one does not read them after praying for God’s eyes and heart they can cause you to fall and be judgmental. I am writing this with concern and out of love for my beloved sisters.  We as women can get so caught up in “self” that when things do not work out as we initially planned we cry like babies, run to the papers and sometimes to family courts.

I know I am going to tick a nerve or two but I advise you if you are that sensitive and defensive type rather not read further but believe me this is written with love. The “self” in a woman begins with drawing attention to self through what we wear. I do not understand why, but men do not suffer from the “look at me I am sexy” syndrome like women. I have never seen a normal straight man wearing a muscle vest to church or below-the-belt extra tight pants. In the last chapter I spoke about “Woman, Put Your Clothes On”. When you put on your clothes or dress up, what are you intentions? Is it to cover up and look presentable or sort of not cover up and look desperate? Or are you intentionally working for the devil trying to cause men to fall and other people to judge you? Do you want men to have interest in what you think and believe in, or you just want to accelerate their thoughts to how quick it will be to fornicate or commit adultery with you?  Woman, you will have to answer for those you caused to fall if you do not repent and change your ways.

This does not only happen in public but also happens on social networks like Facebook, BBM’s and the rest. Your profile pictures or pictures you upload. What are you communicating? What conversations are you evoking? What inbox messages are you inviting? Are you looking forward to: “Hi hotness, you look very sexy?” Or “Ooohh baby I can’t take my eyes off you, you make me salivate?” Do these messages excite you and make you feel good? Do you enjoy being the object of the sinful mind of a man or are you deliberately killing men through the sinful thoughts they have about you? I am asking you these questions because God asked me the same questions too. I had to clean my Facebook account of pictures that made men make those remarks. Whether I was in something regarded as hot or not. I used to laugh at them until God told me I am causing others to sin. This is where I learned to get over my self-centeredness, and the misconception that I am sexy. What is sexy? What word makes the word “sexy”? SEX!! Why would you compare or describe yourself with the word SEX? If it is descriptive word that describes you it means you are full of SEX!! And then we cry “DISRESPECT” when men who are not so well-educated call us derogative names when we have displayed the SEX we are or looking for. Ladies if a man YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO calls you SEXy call them to order. I do not even have to explain HOT. When a female dog or any animal is ready to mate and make offspring, it is said to be ON HEAT. So if it is ON HEAT it means it is HOT!! So are you okay with being called HOT? Check out how a female dog or even worse a cat behaves when it is ON HEAT. You will be offended the next time you are called that. Search the Bible and see if there is anywhere women were described as SEXY or HOT.

Okay now that I got that off, let me continue. The self in a woman also comes up when she is insecure about her looks and her body. When she is in a relationship she will ask the poor man who knows the answer to the question but does not know how to answer it: “Do I look fat in these jeans?” or when they see another lady and start persecuting the poor woman telling her how skinny she is or how she does not eat.  I personally suffered that persecution for over 12 years now.  I mean really, Woman, get over your…self.  We all must embrace our different body structures, high and low metabolism, curvy and shapeless, skinny and fleshy bosoms and stop making others feel bad about how they look or make them feel sorry for how you feel about yourself. If another woman is bigger than you, you are no judge of what is being fat. Woman God made you the way you are for a purpose. If you go to gym and eat healthy there is no need to starve yourself or drink those dangerous money-making solutions sold at those China Malls. God loves you as chubby, flabby or big-boned as you are and gave you or will give you a man who adores your roundness. By the way cellulite is not only found on fat women and it does not mean a woman does not exercise. It is caused by slow blood circulation and hormones. When women grow older cellulite happens to them. Graced are those who are round and big –boned but not even have one dimple of this horror. It is just like stretch marks. We go through hormonal changes, chemical imbalance and the skin stretches and stays stretched so quit wasting your money on oils said to remove them. Believe me even if you go for liposuction and laser treatment for stretchmarks they will comeback. So tell your men as well to get over themselves and love you smooth-skinned or dimpled as you have become.

Woman you look beautiful and if you believe that, it will radiate on the outside. Stop killing yourself to look good. There’s a saying my sister used to say to me as she would pull my hair to plat (braid) it: “Botle bo a tiselletswa (you have to bare pain to look beautiful). That is not right. When God created you there was no pain. You mother’s labour pains were enough and her tears fell if you became sick.  You suffer enough monthly pains and it has nothing to do with beauty but nature. Consider those pains a gift because God caused them to strengthen your body as He chose you and not the man to carry a life for nine months. The thing of women going for breast implants and all other surgical procedures for beauty is all worthless and all just self-centeredness. Some have died on the surgical tables. If it is not for a medical condition it is worthless and just self-centeredness. 

 

I have come to realize that women do not look at other women the same way that men do. Men look at women and see them as how they present themselves whereas women look at other women judgmentally, as a threat to them and with envy. Very few women look at other women as just other women and just appreciate whatever they contribute on earth, whether its beauty, brains, love or money. We just need to look within ourselves and see what God has given us and use these intrinsically God-given virtues and talents and use them together with each other to make this world a better place.

“Women decide to fall pregnant,” that is what my mother used to say. She said that when a woman is obviously having sex (in or out of marriage) she personally decides to fall pregnant by not taking protective precautions. I can already hear the daggers being sharpened to attack me for my mom’s statement. Even my doctor said that because he has five children he says he was never involved in planning for them. He says the only thing he heard with all five was: “I am pregnant!”  It takes two to tango!! Of cause I know that line but it takes a woman to say no to sex without a condom if she is not on contraceptives. And a born-again Christian woman to say: “No to sex before marriage.”  To clear the air so you do not think I am judging you ladies who are moms; I lost a baby 7 years ago due to hypertension. It is miraculous but sad story that requires a chapter on its own.  I just thank God that I am alive. Now that we are all saved and are now new creations we know the best way not to have unplanned pregnancies is to abstain from sex before marriage. We thank God for every blessed little life that He gave to every single mom and to the single mothers: I take a hat off for you.

Those women who are good at being mothers I look at you with your children and admire your selflessness and connection between you and your children. I was talking to my fiancé the other day how these mothers are so good at what they do. How they make it seem easy when it is not. How they sacrifice so much for their children. I plead God’s blessings upon all of you who get it right. Please pray for God to bring spiritual fathers for your children and quit introducing your child to every man who comes into your life playing future hubby and step father. If the failed relationships hurt you so much, imagine what they do to a feeble little mind when that man who used to take them out for ice-cream and buying toys for them is no longer around. They blame themselves even when they are as old as 15 years old. And then you introduce another step dad. You are confusing your children and messing up their idea of love and trust. Promiscuous girls and boys are not born that way but raised into being that due to the parents’ lack of knowledge of damage they cause with their dysfunctional relationships (Hosea 4:6). Be the wise parent and protect yourself and your children. As a woman, know your place. Put ye first His kingdom and His righteousness, build a protective basket for your children in prayer, know your worth and treasure it and then, at the right time, in the right place you will meet the right man.

What boggles my mind is women who fall pregnant, have the baby and then refuse the fathers of the children from seeing their children or deny the fathers from playing a father role in their children’s lives. How much more can a woman be more selfish than using a baby as an object to make life miserable for the baby’s dad and indirectly affecting a child’s development by not allowing the baby experience daddy in his or her life?  Woman, get over your…self and think about the baby. Ok you and the babydaddy have had a serious break up or irreconcilable differences but whatever happened between you two led to a conception of a precious life. This is when “me, myself and I must die” and think about the baby. Woman, do some research and read about children growing up without a father. You will say “My father or new partner can be a father to my child.” Hello! Woman, it is not the same! Find out about children who are raised by a loving stepfather or grandfather when their biological father is still alive and capable. Every child needs his/her biological father. Even if the father is an unemployed drunkard, the child still needs affirmation from his/her own dad. Seeing other children with their dads kills a child’s character. When I was four my parents divorced because of my late dad’s alcoholism and physical abuse but my mom never prevented us from seeing him. He became jobless and looked unkempt due to his personal life choices and mistakes but I knew he loved me and believed in my intelligence. He cracked jokes whenever we went to see him and he died still making people laugh about his own pain and dying. Woman, get off your high horse and stop deciding a future God has already set for your child (Jeremiah 1:5). Allow the father every opportunity available to help mold that child’s character as well.

 You get those women who talk bad about the dad to the child. Really? What are you raising? An angry child full of hate for the father? Are you deliberately raising a criminal or a woman who can’t keep relationships? Ok if the dad is the one refusing to play his part in the child’s life, pray to the Father of the fatherless to be that father in your baby’s life and for Him to build a relationship between biological dad and the child or children. Whatever or however your communication is between you and baby daddy do not tell it to the child/children. Tell the child that their father loves them and is currently challenged to do certain things or be at the school matches or take them out. Do not utter words like: “Your father is useless! He is a drunkard!” Or “You are just like your father!!” Those words are not just hurtful. They kill a person. Then you wonder why your child beats up other children at school. Do not even talk about their father’s woman because your children will resent you especially if this woman is kind.

In a case of women who denied the children’s fathers playing a role by supporting the children in the beginning, when cashflow no longer knows their bank account, they do not communicate it but go to the family court or those who’s babyfathers are publicly known run to the papers. I mean really, when this life was formed there was only one, two people and why now the public? I understand involving the parents to arrange family meetings if necessary, to speak like adults. Why the courts after you said to him you can raise your own child when he begged you to raise him/her with you? Woman, get over your…self!!! Think of your child. Think of how vivid your memory is of things that happened in your life from the age of three and four. Especially the extreme things. Imagine hearing your family talking about your dad and how he will pay every cent or lose his job. The child might get over it a little but I promise you it comes up at every defining moment in the child’s stage and you will cry when the child does not turn out to be the successful someone you hoped.

The same advice goes to women who do not have boundaries when it comes to being the mother of the child and being an ex-girlfriend. Please do yourself a favour, maintain your self-respect and respect your baby’s father and his woman or wife. Communicate visitations like a sensible person. Do not just dump the child or demand the child as and when you please. Do not call the father or his woman disrespectfully demanding this and that for the child.  Seriously women, God trusted you enough to bring those children into the world through you. The child survived conception, pregnancy and birth. Some of you your children survived days and weeks spent in an incubator. Some survived abortion, recklessness and other horrific things in the world. Why abuse the child with your selfishness? Why use a child for your own feel good satisfaction? Why use a child to get back at the man you conceived the child with? If the relationship did not work out it did not. Get over it and over your…self. The word says all things work together for good for those that love the Lord. If you really love God, things will work out.

I wanted to end this here but there are these other women who need to get over themselves as well. These are the women in relationships with men who have children from previous relationships. I know you were reading the above and shaking your head in agreement with the preceding paragraph. Here is an advice for you: Woman, get over your…self! I am talking to that woman who has given her man’s child’s mother the name Babymama! You talk about her to your friends about how she is always asking for this and that and how she should get a life. You complain about your man forever giving money to this woman and buying things for his child and nothing for you. Whoaw! Stop! Woman, get over your…self! Rather let me remind you of your role in a man’s life; Woman, know your place. Pray for your man, the woman raising his child and the child. If you will pray that God stops this woman from bothering you, I doubt you will get the answer because your prayer is selfish and has wrong motives (James 4:3). Pray for love, peace and understanding between them and yourself included because if you get married to him, you are an instant mother. Now go study the word and books on how to be a mother and stop wasting airtime complaining. If you are not married but are fornicating with this man hoping to fall pregnant so that he can pay attention to you, you are bringing curses upon your life. One: “You are committing a sin.” Two: “You are opening yourself up to the same experience of this woman you call baby mama.” Three: “He might leave you for your foolishness and self-centeredness asking how could you fall pregnant.” Fourth but not last point: “Eroding your own self -worth.”

Lastly women who say: “I will never go out or be with a man who has a child.” Woman, get over your…self. For everything and every encounter there is a God-ordained purpose. Well, okay you probably saved yourself and are still a virgin and hope you meet another virgin. I am not one to burst your bubble because I know all things are possible and God answers our prayers according to His will. Key words: “According to His will.” The fact that he has a child which means he is no longer a virgin does not make him a man not good enough with godly morals to love you the way Christ loved the church (as you would quote that line). What if God’s purpose is for you to be a co-parent to that child or children? Since you are well-raised with Godly virtues you obviously should know your place and role as woman which is being on your knees and praying and supporting your husband. Remember when we pray we ask God to bless us with children. Do you know who that child or those children are? I am not instilling fear of not having your own but telling you to learn being a mother through mothering other women’s children. However I am not advising you to now want to fight custody for another woman’s child or children. If she never gave up the children in your custody do not force it with your holier than thou knowledge, your educated self or your fat bank balance. Be the praying co-parent and see God bless you.

 

Woman, get over your…self, surrender your life, your thinking and your emotions to God. Whatever you do or encounter, check with your beloved Father upstairs and ask: “Father, does this please you.”Woman, get over your…self! Rather let me remind you of your role in a man’s life; Woman, know your place. Pray for your man, the woman raising his child and the child. If you will pray that God stops this woman from bothering you, I doubt you will get the answer because your prayer is selfish and has wrong motives (James 4:3). Prt’s stupidity but tell them how their parents are not intentional in being who they are. Tell them to depend on God (Proverbs 22:6) as you too will receive this word you give them. If it is God’s blessings in their full totality that you need, stop everything that God calls sin, repent and let Him guide (Proverbs 37:23-24) you in this wonderful prosperous life He planned for you. (Jeremiah 29:11).

                               Woman, get over your…self and get under God’s love.