"What Guys Think About Modesty" by C.J. Mahaney

Each and every day on campus is a battle. A battle against my sin, a battle against temptation, a battle against my depraved mind. Every morning I have to cry out for mercy, strength, and a renewed conviction to flee youthful lust. The Spirit is faithful to bring me the renewal I need and to prepare me to do war against my sin, yet temptations still exist.

I’m thankful God has created me to be attracted to women. However, campus is a loaded minefield. There are girls everywhere, and it is guaranteed that I will pass some attractive girls as I walk in between classes. To make it through the day unscathed, I either have to be actively engaging my mind and spirit in praying, quoting Scripture, listening to worship music, or looking at the sidewalk. Many days it takes all four to be safe. . . .

The thing that women do not seem to fully grasp is that the temptation toward lust does not stop. It is continual. It is aggressive. And it does all it can to lead men down to death. And women have a choice to help or deter the goal and purpose of lust. Sometimes when I see a girl provocatively dressed, I’ll say to myself, "She probably doesn’t even know that 101 guys are going to devour her in their minds today. But then again, maybe she does." To be honest, I don’t know the truth, the truth of why she chooses to dress the way she does, the way she chooses to walk, the way she chooses to act. I don’t know because I’ve never sat down with a girl and asked why. All I need to know is that the way she presents herself to the world is bait for my sinful mind to latch onto and I need to avoid it at all costs.

For the most part, the church serves as a sanctuary from the continual barrage of temptation toward sin. However, the church’s members are not yet free from sin, and there are girls who are ignorant and unaware of men’s sinful tendencies.
I must confess that even church can have several mines scattered about. To the girls who are ignorant, please serve your brother in Christ and have your dad screen your wardrobe. Ask your dad how you can better choose holiness over worldliness. He’s a guy, and he knows more than you on the issue.
And to the girls who don’t follow the pattern of the world: thank you. Thank you a million times over. You are following Scripture’s commands, and you are helping your brothers in the process.
The one place I might think I wouldn’t have to face as much temptation is at church. But this is not always the case. When ladies I’m friends with dress immodestly, it definitely has a negative effect on our friendship. When she dresses immodestly, it doesn’t make it easy to see her as a sister in Christ. There’s a constant battle going on as I’m interacting with her. Communication becomes more difficult, but I’m also trying to fight temptation.
I also think that some ladies aren’t aware that even the little things can distract guys a lot — showing even a little part of their stomach, wearing a bag that has a strap that goes between their breasts, etc.
I’m so grateful for the friendships God has given me over the last year and a half and for the godly ladies in my small group. I’m so appreciative of the sacrifice that these ladies make to glorify God and to serve and care for the guys.
I heard a story of one of the ladies in our small group who went shopping and really liked a shirt she was trying on. But then she thought, "No, I can’t do this to the guys." That was the first time I had ever heard of anything like that, and it made me so grateful. It is such a blessing to have friends who care for me enough to be selfless and to sacrifice what might look attractive in order to help me and other guys with sexual lust.
When ladies dress modestly, it’s attractive and it makes me want to hang out with them. I think modesty is so attractive and helpful in friendships; it makes it easier for a friendship to be centered around God and for fellowship to be unhindered."
Extracted from "What Guys Think About Modesty by C.J. Mahaney" available on youtube

HOW TO KNOW IF HE/SHE IS THE ONE

I stand to be corrected but if I remember well I have written a note before titled: "Is He or She The one?" Many people get into relationships and ask themselves those kinds of questions. I have asked myself such questions before. That is before I knew God can help me realize who is wrong or right in my life. Believe me, God does not regard any of your requests or questions as feeble or as a waste of time. He says it in Isaiah 48:17(my favourite scripture): "...I the Lord your God directs you in the way you should go." and in Psalm 37:23: "The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord."

Quit trying to figure things out yourself and not be like Eve when Satan lied to her she never called out to God to ask if what Satan was saying was true. She let her emotions, hunger for power and her flesh to come over her and fell into sin. The same way a man a woman can come into your life and you quickly let your flesh lead you into temptation. Temptation via relationships is not only fornication. People get into relationships to satisfy the flesh in many ways: physically, sexually, financially, emotionally, socially, etc.

It could be that this person is just too gorgeous to let him/her just pass from your life. Temptation and disobedience cost Samson his life over the gorgeous deceitful Delilah. Or maybe he/she is well off financially, or is well-known, or maybe one of those most wanted man/woman and you are probably just sooo ordinary. Or the opposite could be true. Maybe since you are just too gorgeous, too successful or too famous you cannot find the right person because people are intimidated by your awesome fabulousity so you will settle for ordinary plain Jane or Jimmy. Sadly he/she will just be in your life for a free ride until you run out or get tired.

Not everyone is meant to be with a more/too beautiful, rich, famous or most wanted as they will always end up being invisible in that person's life. Everyone dreams of being with such a person. Every girl hopes to be married to a well-off man who earns enough that she does not need to work. Every guy hopes to marry an intelligent woman who is so beautiful as if she does not go to the loo (yes I said that). But deep down inside most will not be really comfortable with such people. In order for you to see if you are with the right one or not I have written below:

SIGNS THAT HE/SHE AINT THE ONE 
 
1. You spend lesser time praying and reading the word to spend more "quality" time with him/her.

Anyone who moves you away from God or makes your passion for God subside is really not God-sent. "Resist the devil. He will flee from you" (James 4:7).

2. All of a sudden your clothes seem old or out of fashion for you when he/she is around.

If you all of a sudden feel odd in your clothes around this person, the clothes you've had for a while and the favourite ones you bought with your hard-earned money or your mom bought for you somewhere you won't mention you are with the wrong person. Darling, clothes don't make you they cover your nakedness. Be proud of who you are.

3. You start loathing your job and now looking for a "better" one.

Because Mr/Miss Someone you are dating works in a job you assume better than yours you now feel you are in the wrong industry or job description. Job-hopping is like sleeping around. You will end up in the worst job. Stay in your post until God moves you not a desire to impress Mr/Miss Somebody.

4. You ridiculously spend more money on things you used to save money on/from, eg. Hair, nails, eating out, etc

Ok, you used to be a Money Saving Guru and would never waste money on fake hair said to be human or nails that need weekly maintenance. You used to rather spoil your mom and buy food for her to cook Sunday lunch for everyone and now all your money is spent to impress. Watch your bank balance and save your financial status and leave that relationship.

5. You compromise yourself, your dignity, your family values just to please him/her.

You made a vow to yourself and God about your purity; you never dreamed of being in certain notorious hang outs and you would never dress like a "working girl", smoke or drink, but now just to 'match' and keep your mate you have made those aspirations and self-respect disappear. Dear young man/woman you will fade. Spare yourself for the right mate.

6. You no longer focus on your God-given talents and say you have outgrown them.

You used to sing, write, design unusual objects or maybe go for some sports training and you now all of a sudden call them childish or a waste of time. You have even ditched the children you used to inspire or stopped serving at church. The right one will support and enhance you gifts.

7. You feel inferior or out of place in the company of his/her friends.

Whenever his/her friends are around you wish they could just disappear or you try by all means to avoid them by doing the run arounds as if you are their servant. Ladies, if he has never uttered the "M" word stop acting like makoti dishing up and washing dishes while his friends' girlfriends are sitting like Paris Hilton. Gentlemen, her parents don't know you or your uncles, stop driving back and forth to buy the required. Whoever is hosting must do the run arounds. If they intimidate you, he/she intimidates you as well. Wrong person, wrong place, wrong time.

8. You avail yourself at his/her command caring less who you hurt in the process.

If someone really cares about you or your loved ones, they will never expect you to ditch them over their selfish needs. I've been there before. I would drive out to a faraway place at awkward times because "he seeks my company or care." If you really cannot talk with him/her to make her understand that you have a family responsibility or you are studying then this person is not for you.

9. You cannot tell him/her about your friends, family or how you grew up.

It is so great to talk for hours about people that matter or the most memorable, funny, sad or happiest moments of your life. It is just not easy to talk to someone who does not care. If you cannot even utter anything about it, it means you are uncomfortable and know he/she is not interested. If someone is not interested in how you grew up and who you spend time with they are not interested in you.

10. You no longer know how to laugh, play, have fun and make a fool of yourself to let loose (you become this boring, stiff snob).

This is the saddest. Once upon a time I was in a relationship for 2 years that drained so much out of me I had forgotten that I could crack jokes, do funny things and play like a child. If you really cannot let loose and be yourself this is definitely not for you.

If you can relate to any of the above points in regards to the relationship you are in, I tell you...it is not good for you and it will not last. He/she will suck what he/she is there for out of you and you will be so bruised it will take years to forget him/ her.

Time waits for no one and money does not grow on trees. Debts are not easy to get out of and the heart is the most affected. Proverbs 4:23 says:"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." If you ever feel any of the above...Let it go and wait for the right one.

Learn to pray about everyone you meet. Ask God to reveal them who they really are and what are they in your life for. Most times people are just in our lives for us to introduce them to Christ or help them in other ways and we quickly rush into selfish relationships that end up robbing the soul.

#EXPERIENCEHASAVOICE

OUR WEDDING WAS PLANNED BY GOD

 

23rd of March 2013 will forever be the most memorable day of my life together with my husband Paul Nthoba. This day was set and planned by the best wedding planner of all, our Almighty God. Like my dad said the days prior and even on the day: "This marriage happened long before we were even born." He said what was now happening was a public decleration to those close to us.

It has been a while since I have written anything in my blogs due to wedding preparations, post-wedding settlements and running my Fashion and Image business. The hecticness kept me thinking: "How do married, working/entrepreneurs and ministry-dedicated mothers who are also  studying concurrently do all their daily responsibilities?"

Anyway, going back to the topic: My husband and I had been anticipating this day since the day he decided to make him his wife. Well the day he decided to be closer than a friend is the day he decided I am the wife he's been looking for. As scripture says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22) So basically we did not date or court as we both knew we were meant to be together already. It is not easy to explain it because these things happen differently for everyone.

This blessed day was birthed prior our engagement during our 40 days Prayer and Fasting Partnership. I was not aware at the time when I told my close friend (male) that "the next man who intends to know me or date must already see me as a wife and not someone to hang out with until he finds the one he wants or realizes I am not the one," that I was actually prophesying what was to come. Just a couple of days later I got a call from Paul and we started chatting about God for hours until I was moved to ask him to become my virtual prayer partner. He jumped at the opportunity as he said he too has been searching for a prayer partner. We both did not know on that day that we were going to be Lifetime Prayer Partners.

Fast-forward to marriage and wedding prepartions:

Everything happened smoothly and silently as we kept it sacred between ourselves and God. We put Him first (Matthews 6:33) and requested Him to take full control of our relationship, our parents, lobola negotiations, the wedding day  and our lifetime union (Psalm 127:1). Most people could not understand why we did everything so silently. Everyone caught it later or saw our Facebook Status updates which we only did way after all was done. Why did we do that? Going back to Genesis; "When God saw that it is not good for a man to be alone" (Gen 2:18) and decided to 'create him a suitable helper and presented her to him", there was no one else except the man, the woman and God. And also because God has given us the power to create through our spoken words or tongues (Poverbs 18:25) we decided as led by our Prayers prior our engagement that we will not allow people to speak into our newborn's life(relationship). Yes, good people speak blessings but spiritually-retarded people have too much to say. #TakeNote

We planned everything with God and for God. What we were not looking for was a wedding that will "wowww!!" people but a wedding that will give glory to God. We just wanted what He approved. If He wanted extravagant we would have gone extravagant. In other words there is nothing wrong with extravagant weddings. As long as  God is the centre of everything in that marriage and wedding celebration because after all Jehovah Jirer provides for all the needs of His children (Proverbs 4:19)

We got it as simple as God planned it:

We sat down with God daily going about the budget, the theme, venue choice, menu choice, guest list and even shopping for our garments to designing them as well. He even gave us the idea of the theme just by telling me which fabric and colour to buy. I know it sounds exagerrated. The fabric I bought was the last piece in that colour and when I bought I just liked the colour. I did not buy it for my bridesmaids. I just bought it cos I loved the color. It gave me this beachy breezy feeling. We had a different color scheme planned but I loved how everything flowed in the same color scheme at the end. Okay I will write about the bridesmaids and groomsmen's outfits in my www.foreverfaithcouture.blogspot.com. 

My dress? Prayer and spoken word I am telling you. The price and design as discussed with our Wedding Creator.  My hubby and I already had bought shoes for the wedding but we ended up wearing different ones.

Our Bridal Party

Aka brothers and sisters aka groomsmen and bridesmaids were also God-led and God-chosen. We prayed and asked God whom to request and wowww they were divinely perfect. My bridesmaids are more like my sisters as I received them Spiritually because our genetic connection is in prayer. To honor them I will mention them here: Masego Mokgoro, Lerato Mahlanya, Karabo Ngoetjane and Florina Moerane. The groomsmen are geneologically related to my hubby and mostly Spiritually related to him: His brother Katleho Nthoba; his cousin Mokhantsho Nthoba; his nephew Katlego Nkwane and his brother in Christ Tebogo Sengoai. All these beatiful souls came to their call as requested which was to support us prayerfully as they all understood it was a spiritual mandate rather than a "Let us be beautiful and handsome" or "Let us show the people we rock finesse." They all looked beautiful and handsome on the day. It was a more than skin-deep beauty. I thank God for them because they went beyond showing up their beauty. They helped us with the wedding prepartions. I also thank them because it is only through a willing heart that God can work.

THE DECOR PLANNING

I believe hubby should consider partnering with me in Wedding and Events Designing and Planning
as we are such a great team with God as our CEO. Shopping and designing as we went around was never stressful as we both agreed on everything. "Hmmmmm anticipating decorating our home together." After shopping, I gave him the vision, drew it down together and he ran with it (Habbakkuk 2:2) decorating the venue with the groomsmen and another fellow brother in Christ, Mr. #Steve our MC who stayed the night out helping the gentlemen. I personally dislike DRAPPINGS. My young lady friend, Lerato Kwanaite went in my place as I was still finishing the garments on the day to go add a woman touch in the decor. Our wediing theme was COCKTAIL CARIBBEAN EKASI.

THE STYLING DRESS UP

Shoo this was a Holy Spirit-present preparation as by 10 am in the morning all the garments were still being completed by me, my nails were not yet done, I had not rested and my girls had to become multi-talented from the evening before to the last minute as they had to do my hair while I was sewing on the machine, overlock this and that, sew in buttons in the men's shirts and iron the men's garmentsas well as do their own make up and nails. Thanks to Florina who did our hair helped by my sweet voice singer friend Ruth Mofokeng. Florina also did all our nails for free with mine done just minutes before rushing to the venue for the matrimonial service. I only got to see myself on the mirror as we were leaving. The guys had sent my brother-in-law to come pick up their attires an hour before event. LOL! I had no stress as I rejoiced with my ladies singing praises and praying throughout.

DRIVING TO THE VENUE

Hear this: We never thought about transport to the venue and around but just an hour before leaving my aunt arrived with her daughter in her car and son-in-law in aother one. We also had my other sister's and another aunt's cars to ferry us. Well we did have two of my girls cars and our Smarty but we were blessed to be driven in four cars. God is the best planner!!!! (Jeremiah 29:11)

 

ARRIVAL AT VENUE

Two hours later than the invitation stipulation and an hour later as communicated with our Marrying Pastor we arrived. It was a Spiritual experience that felt like I dream as I saw everyone waiting for us and welcoming us, cameramen and all. My girls looked gorgeous like they just bathed in milk and perfume. With my beautiful nieces as my flowergirls walking in front of me and my dad holding my hand leading me, I was blown away by how it looked. At the same time seeing my husband all stylish and different as I love him, with family, relatives in the Lord and childhood friends looking so joyful with their cameras snapping at us. I could not help but let the tears in my heart soak me inside. It was as we prayed and spoke together with my hubby and God our Planner (Isaiah 48:17).

I remembered how whenever hubby was asked for any prayer requests, his was for our wedding to minister to all those who will see it and those who were not there. As we prayed and spoke we received

THE GUESTS/INVITES

Many were not invited not by choice but by prayer. Not that those who were not invited were not chosen by God but rather those who were present were there as willed to receive from God, to witness and to support us prayerfully. We wrote down names, cut down the list and got back to even more people than we planned. Our parents kept asking how many people were coming. They too got a request not to invite everyone in their lives. Some who were invited and had RSVP'd did not come due to personal reasons and God's will. Some were invited as and when we bumped into them even days before the event and because they understand the purpose of weddings they came with love. Till today we are still explaining and apologizing but we know they too will understand when they get to where we were.

THE CEREMONY

Woww...this one requires a blog on its own as my Dad sang:"You just call on my name and you know wherever I am. I'll come running...." reminding us Paul and I are each others' lifetime friends. My mother-in-law rocked the reception with some rap showing us where Paul inheritted the skills and talking about me words that humbled me. She even spoke my new name which came prophetically through our marrying pastor and as she says from my God-given character. Believe me  I prayed for a prophetic name and got that. Glory to God. Paul's brother showed his dancing skills as he came doing a Sotho Dance and Singing. My Beloved friend, Lerato cried joyfully as she spoke about our journey together as sisters. Paul's friend also sang a gospel song. This was a Family's Talent Wedding with a cake to go with it.

We were blessed by the sweet melodic singing by Ruth Mofokeng who sang Chrisette Michelle's Golden as I walked in with my dad. She also sang my childhood favourite gospel song "Ha le mpotsa Tshepo ya ka" and a song I sang with her "Count on me". Thanks to Bhekinkosi Hlatswayo's giving of his God-given musical talent as he played the keyboard for our wedding. We were also blessed with poetry by another friend and brother, Thibe Pooe who ministered through his poetry in Setswana and English.

Our MC and Programme Director, Mr. Steve Dikole was also a blessing in many ways thanks be to God. He helped us keep time and did a great job oh yes and being there even the night before. Our friend Mothopi Matli gave us the Word for the day and a lifetime. God bless his soul.

Our photographers Lefedi Radebe and his partner Tshepo did a beautiful job and making the shoot enjoyable as my hubby and I love pictures. Ooh the end product is "Oh so heavenly". They captured everything from venue preparation to the the last speech. Wowww!!! Thanking Mr. Jeffrey Zulu and wifey (Paul's friends), Linda Mabusela (our sister in the Lord) and Sechai (our brother in the Lord) for ferrying us to the photo session venue and back in their cars.

THE CAKE!!!

Asked only 3 days before the wedding (yep we never planned this, God did as we had planned the wedding cake for later celebration) my sister in Christ, Molebogeng Nghondzweni baked us a Devine Wedding Cake. And with the little time she had she gave us a prophetic cake topper!!! A microphone on top!!! I am not for the usual common "what-everybody-does" I did not want toppers in a suit and wedding gown. I asked her for something that describes us and ...with a singing father, rapping mother, rapping bride and groom, singing brother and all ...it was PERRRRRRFECT. Mmmmmm and it tastes devine as well. It was a beautiful gift from the Nghondzwenis. God bless them.

Everything happened as we prayed and spoke together and always to and with God. Everyone who helped was not just God-sent but God-chosen. Even the people who helped our families in preparing the meals. This point being a  specific thank you to my young sister and friend Lesego Tau who sacrificed her Friday night before an early morning Saturday school to help my mom, sister and cousin.

The cutlery and crokery we used were given to us by our blessed sister and her business partner, Ausi Mpumi and Bessie Monchusi (not related to me. I say given because she whole-heartedly hired them out at almost nothing. Glory to God.

Oh no how can I not mention our younger brothers and sisters in the Lord from Children's Church and their friends who were excellent hosts at the wedding. I can never thank them enough for their big hearts: Kwanele, Kgaugelo, Pinky, Nhlamulo, Nhlanhla Ming, Nhlanhla, Mothopi's niece and Lerato Kwanaite.  May God increase your prosperity and godly influence. I love you all.

Thanking our Children's Church teachers for the Surprise Bridal Shower, love, prayers and presence; our sisters and brothers in Christ from ...Unlimitted (youth ministry), JOY (singles ministry), the Pre- Marital Counselling Department, our church Grace Bible Church, our childhood friends and most importantly our parents and siblings who went along with a seemingly craziest wedding theme ever(Imagine a wedding without 'dikuku le gemmer' -that's cookies and ginger ale). All this is thanks to the Lord and a testimony that if you put first His kingdom and His righteousness, all these shall be added unto you.

Closing this post that sounds more like a thank you message (which it is), Paul and I pray and hope every person young and old realizes the blessing that comes with waiting, marriage and putting God first in everything. We are already anticipating our 50th Wedding Anniversary Celebration with God! Good people choose to do what God wants and shun all that He calls evil and see how He will faithfully deliver on His promises. (See Deuteronomy 28:1-2, Psal 37:4, Psalm 37, Jeremiah 29:11)

                      To God be the Glory!