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Amos 3:3 says: _"How can two walk together if they are not in agreement."_ Apply this to marriage: "How can husband and wife live peaceably if they are not in agreement?"
We live in an information age where we learn new behaviours, how to do things and sometimes even how to run our homes (marriages). Some of us might have been single for a long time and have acquired independence and making decisions on our own. Some marry young and are still attached to their moms' apron strings that they still discuss their ideas with their moms who will then approve, disapprove or influence otherwise. Now this way of thinking and making decisions does not work in marriage.
The word of God tells us we ought to leave (our parents) and cleave (become one flesh) to our spouses. Becoming one flesh does not only refer to being one sexually as a married couple but refers to us as individuals coming together as whole beings spiritually, mentally and emotionally into one.
God set the husband as the head of his wife and his family (Ephesians 5:23). Being the head means being the decision-maker. However just like in a company, the CEO is the one who makes the last decision but his decisions will be influenced by those he leads by them making him see the picture of what they are suggesting. Let me make a simple example we take for granted. Decorating the house: It would bring more harmony if I as a wife suggest or enquire on my husband’s thoughts on the type or colour of curtains I would like us to buy.
We all know men do not talk much but if we would involve them in most decisions we would know how they feel. We might take things for granted saying: "Hai what does he know about curtains?!" and keep buying what only appeals to us and this way of decision-making will spread into every other thing in the home. The husband might just keep quiet and keep saving these behaviours to himself. This in turn will affect communication between the two of you and also creep in the intimacy connection. For some he might start being rude and throwing words rudely.
The more liberty born from ignorance of the head (husband)'s input will lead to liberty even in when is he going to have your body. Because you are not discussing some things your husband then creates a wall and might even be affected to wanting you sexually. You wonder why and how. Because you have demoted your husband from the head of the home to the child under you. This is where terms like "big baby" comes from. You are the one who made him a baby by not involving and discussing with him your plans, shopping (saying you are not spending his money but yours), changing of jobs or changing from housewife to a business woman, hiring a helper which means now his private space is affected without him ever being asked or agreeing to it, just to mention a few.
You might be feeling sexy in how you dress but does he feel OK about it? Do you ask him what he thinks of your tight-fitting dress or cleavage out when you go out or to work? Do you plan your weekends alone by making plans with your girls or mom before considering him and asking him what you can do together? Then we wonder when our husbands start living on an island inside our own homes. He ends up preferring to read, be on the computer or watch sports if he is not an extrovert or for the extrovert to always be out until late.
Application: Dear Women of God, this scripture gives us a basis of how to live in harmony. Be in agreement as a couple. You have been called to be his helper. Help him to see things your way but not force it. If he says no to your suggestion let it be no and not go tell your mother or friend who will say your husband knows nothing. Start everything in prayer. Invite the Holy Spirit to be part of your planning meeting and ask Him to help you accept the response.
Prayer should actually be the first and most important foundation of your marriage. personally use this time to address some issues or suggest somethings in this time. So we pray first, share the word and before we pray in closing bring suggestions or issues to each other and God.
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Remember, marriage is partnership but the husband is the head in this partnership.