Most
of you can recall when you were a kid you had your mom or neighbour jokingly
choosing a boyfriend or girlfriend for you at an innocent age of five years
old. Or maybe your mother's friend will be calling you umakoti/umkhwenyana
wami (my daughter/son-in-law). As young as that your mind is tuned into "life
is about dating." As you grow older into what now is called tweeny age
(11-13years), some of you might have been put into awkward situations whereby
you are sent to this chosen makoti/mokhwenyana's house or when you visit
with your mom you are told to play together
I am
talking from experience as one of my neigbours used to call me her
daughter-in-law. For years, this boy acted like a boyfriend even though I
didn't understand what it really meant. He was overprotective of me. My brother
and sister teased me about him. His mom went to the point of taking him out
from the school he started in to enroll him where I was. That irritated me as I
turned 9 years old and starting to see other boys.
Okay my point of this boring kiddie corrupted love story: Have you ever thought about what triggered your attraction to the opposite sex and what aroused your sexuality which was meant for marriage? Before we even had these shameful exposures of sexuality on TV and print our minds were already defiled. We grew up thinking you must have a boyfriend/girlfriend in life. I thank God for my very strict brother who promised to beat me up if I start with boys and my primary male school teacher who threatened the 11 year old boys with a belt and fists if they ask me out.
Growing up at around 7-12 years old we played what we called "mantlwane" (playhouse). This is where it began. The older ones would play mom and dad and the small ones would be children. Some of your friends were probably exposed to obscene episodes at home by adults or older siblings who were not discreet and then they came and taught you the filth. Here's the truth: THERE IS NOTHING INNOCENT ABOUT TWO FIVE YEAR OLDS ACTING OUT A SEXUAL ACT!!!! It is filthy evil which you must bind right there and warn your kids against it. Some of you might have experienced whipping if you were caught out by an adult. Did that help you understand what SEX AND SEXUALITY IS ABOUT?
Our next sex lesson came from the older girls and boys of high school-going age who stood at the street corners at night and did things we could not really see in the dark but were spoken by our older friends or siblings. Those days when teenage boys would be twisting a teenage girl's arm forcing her to be his girlfriend and taking her to his parents' house during the day. Sadly, some of you caught out on your uncle or older brother at home with a girl. No one spoke to us about these things. When you emulated them you got a whipping and left sore and confused. Instead the only SEX EDUCATION was "DO NOT FALL PREGNANT" or "DON'T MAKE A GIRL PREGNANT". Some girls were sent to the clinic by their mothers for PREVENTION when they entered into puberty.
The closest to SEX TALK from my mom was when I was 13years old. I remember what I was wearing. A yellow cropped top and white tight jeans. My mom called me and said: "Do you see what a beautiful body you have? Do not allow boys to destroy it. Take care of it." It was at the same age in high school I first heard the word "Virginity". These girls told me what it is and what breaks it. And some lost it at that tender age. Then I started reading a very huge book at home called FAMILY HEALTH GUIDE. That is where I got my sex education. Actually I also learnt reproduction, respiration, excretion, all about physiology and sexually transmitted diseases. No wait! I remember my sister told me a bit about sex, periods and babies! I was only 6 years old and she was 12. She just confused me by telling me if I sleep with a boy I will have a baby. LOL!
Ok, you are probably reading this and waiting to hear about:
"OUTGROWING THE SEXUALITY THE WORLD TAUGHT US."
I remember how shocked I was when I read 1 Corinthians 13:12-18 which tells us the body is not for sexual immorality and that it is "not our own but the temple of the Holy Spirit." That was a wakeup call over 10 years later after being taught and trained about SEXUALITY, SEXY, INTIMACY, PASSIONATE KISSES and ALL THAT IS PERVETTED IN THE EYES OF GOD by the world!!! Being a child who loves reading I learned all the wrong things from my older sister's collections of Blush, People and Cosmopolitan magazines. I even knew about something as perverted as Kama sutra at age 15 from there. Like most of you I thought life is about proving you sexiness and sexuality. I was blinded and lost. I was dying spiritually and emotionally because of the deception the devil feeds us. At that time it was not by choice but by foolishness.
How did I learn the truth?
Only when I started seeking the Lord (Matthews 6:33). He led me to scriptures where He forbids fornication. When did I start seeking the Lord? When I got hurt by the world, breaking relationships, unhealthy friendships and not making ends meet financially. Yes, someone is reading this and saying: "People always run to God when they are in need." No, I knew God and prayer from primary school age and I was born in a church-going family like most of you. I just did not know what is having a personal relationship with God. I accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour in 2002 but my eyes and ears were still blocked by the world. And anyway if we do not listen to Him the pain we experience is what opens our ears, eyes and hearts to Him.
It is not supposed to happen like that. We are not meant to lose ourselves before we can hear God. We are not meant to be abused by Satan before we can run to God. The word of God says: "My people perish for lack of knowledge."Hosea 4:6
The sad reality about this lack of knowledge is that most people are living in struggle, poverty, sicknesses and incomplete prosperity. Look around, some wealthy people are not really in prosperity because they are living in sin. They try to cover their incompleteness by wasting money, exploiting young girls and throwing alcohol-flowing parties. No I am not judging anyone. I am trying to open your eyes. It is al lack of knowledge of the truth from God.
How do you outgrow the sexuality?
Surrender to God: Give your heart, your time, your money, your life, your body, even your sexuality to Him. I talk as someone who went through what you are struggling with. Learning from the word of God (by reading it myself) that SEX OUT OF MARRIAGE IS A SIN which is something we all know moved me to pray against it in my life. It was a cycle of perfecting and failing it. The same way these sinful acts get into your life is the same way they leave. In other words one or two behaviours at a time. The sad thing about sin is that it makes it easy to commit the next sin. It’s like if you lie it is easy to sin. The next thing you lie about your absence at work then you find every man/woman attractive and so on. So if you prayerfully start quitting sinful acts it becomes like a spiritual detox as they exit your lifestyle gradually. This differs with individual as some it might happen all at the same time.
Avoid the triggers: Just like if you are on a diet you avoid sweets for example. So avoid the magazines that talk about sex. When I started my Spiritual Cleansing I started realizing how much sex is on the cover of most magazines and this promoted sex is out of marriage. I cancelled my Cosmopolitan magazine subscription. Guys, quit reading those Sunday papers with uncovered girls. Avoid commercial TV because it is nothing but sexual lately. All these local dramas suddenly have steamy, passionate, homosexual, adulterous and teenage sex scenes. Change what you listen to from the commercial radio station to your music preference. Ladies you might think it’s harmless to listen to Beyonce or Rihanna without watching them. Here's the truth, most of these singers operate under a seductive and sexual spirit which in turn draws you to be seductive and sexual. I remember as innocent as I was, TLC's "Red Light Special" used to trigger things in me yet only now I get to understand how graphic that song is.
Partying, drinking, smoking, sexual provocativeness and promiscuousity and sexy dressing is ministry from the music industry more than any other media. This is a story for another day.
Change how and where you spend your time: Stop going to the famous hangouts where there is free-flow of alcohol, smoking, filthy talk, scantily dressed girls/too many beautiful drunk girls, extravagant show offs, rich men who will pay for your bill and all that you know will never be seen in church. Start getting home before the night life starts. You wonder "Now what will I do with that time?" Get to know God. Spend time praying and reading His word. Spend time with your family; get to know them all over again since they only used to see you when you got home to change. Ladies, sleep at home. Not at a friend's place or some guy who's been promising to marry you since the earth was created. I promise you, the moment you start reading the word of God and asking Him to remodel you realize how much you missed out on life. Do not waste your time living for now. Join a church and one of their ministries. You will see how much there is to life, you will experience true friendships. Never mind the Christians who are still judgmental, they just need your prayers and understanding. I totally cut off hanging out with my friends I loved dearly and experienced fulfillment in the presence of God (Psalm 37:4). Going to church starts making sense and the word that is preached starts impacting your life.
Make new friendships: I tell you, it is difficult to change your steps if you are still walking with people who are walking a different path to yours. I don't mean dump them and no longer talk to them. I still love my friends and consider them as my sisters. I talk to them and pray for them. The difference is how we spend our separate times makes it impossible to make time for each other but I know that time will come. You need someone who speaks life which is God's word in order to feed your vocabulary and thinking. Join a prayer group where you share your experiences and challenges without hearing it from someone you never told. Pray to have friends who will push you when you are dragging, pull you up when you fall and tell you the truth when you are wrong. Bazalwane are not boring. I have friends who are bikers and one is a lady. My husband is passionate about teaching children the word and he also does this through rapping. I am still a fashion designer and some famous designers are deep-rooted Christians. There are many wealthy, high-earning and career-driven Christians who put God first in their lives and need not to show off. Read Ephesians 5:15-16
Spending Your Money: My worst experience is once my heart and eyes opened to the Lord I realized how much money I have wasted in my life and how many bad career choices I made which led me to a financial rut. I realized how far I could have been if I had checked everything with Him. I cared more about keeping relationships and friendships. Your Cellphone bill is probably 30% or more of your salary. You spend on petrol going up and down for a woman/man. He/she calls you in the middle of the night. So for your sake of a relationship and sex (out of marriage) you use your last reserve petrol knowing you will swipe your credit card. Wake up!! That relationship is not going anywhere!!!! Where is God in that relationship? What does He say about debt? (Romans 8:28) If you are already a Christian I do not have to remind you about tithing. You know it very well and you postpone God every month so that you can pay your accounts (Malachi 3:8-10).
Change Your Dress Style: Ladies, I do know the scripture that says "God looks at the heart and not the outward appearance. (1 Samuel 16:7)" but do you know the scripture that says: "Do not cause another to fall? (1 Corinthians 10:32)" That was my redemption from my very short dresses and short pants because all along I only thought about me and how they suited me. Caring less what I was putting in men's minds when they saw me. Yes, you unintentionally and harmlessly wear those breast-showing or discreet skin-exposing clothes, but ask yourself: "Would a queen or a president's wife wear that?" Your dress could be provocative and attract the sexually-infested men who just wanna lay with you. If you want to be pure a man who is not pure will defile your thinking and lead you to falling. Guys, I do not have to tell you about pants below the bum or pants so tight we have to see your frontal anatomy. Dress like a gentleman even in casual clothes.
Do not be unequally yoked: 2 Corinthians 6:14.The same way you have to change your friendships so should the relationship you get into. If you decide to walk with God when you had already started walking with the opposite sex in sin you have to break that sinful bond. No I am not condemning you or your partner. If you decide to walk together, you will need God's supernatural strength to correct and cancel your previous walk. You both need to be strong enough to change your patterns. It would be like breaking up so to tell the truth breaking up would be best as you would have to cut the forbidden kisses, the caressing, sleeping in the same bed, undressing in front of each other and all the things that led you to sleeping together in the first place. Seriously if you are meant to be together you will get back together again in marriage. Otherwise get counseling prayerfully and get married soon. Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-40.
Okay my point of this boring kiddie corrupted love story: Have you ever thought about what triggered your attraction to the opposite sex and what aroused your sexuality which was meant for marriage? Before we even had these shameful exposures of sexuality on TV and print our minds were already defiled. We grew up thinking you must have a boyfriend/girlfriend in life. I thank God for my very strict brother who promised to beat me up if I start with boys and my primary male school teacher who threatened the 11 year old boys with a belt and fists if they ask me out.
Growing up at around 7-12 years old we played what we called "mantlwane" (playhouse). This is where it began. The older ones would play mom and dad and the small ones would be children. Some of your friends were probably exposed to obscene episodes at home by adults or older siblings who were not discreet and then they came and taught you the filth. Here's the truth: THERE IS NOTHING INNOCENT ABOUT TWO FIVE YEAR OLDS ACTING OUT A SEXUAL ACT!!!! It is filthy evil which you must bind right there and warn your kids against it. Some of you might have experienced whipping if you were caught out by an adult. Did that help you understand what SEX AND SEXUALITY IS ABOUT?
Our next sex lesson came from the older girls and boys of high school-going age who stood at the street corners at night and did things we could not really see in the dark but were spoken by our older friends or siblings. Those days when teenage boys would be twisting a teenage girl's arm forcing her to be his girlfriend and taking her to his parents' house during the day. Sadly, some of you caught out on your uncle or older brother at home with a girl. No one spoke to us about these things. When you emulated them you got a whipping and left sore and confused. Instead the only SEX EDUCATION was "DO NOT FALL PREGNANT" or "DON'T MAKE A GIRL PREGNANT". Some girls were sent to the clinic by their mothers for PREVENTION when they entered into puberty.
The closest to SEX TALK from my mom was when I was 13years old. I remember what I was wearing. A yellow cropped top and white tight jeans. My mom called me and said: "Do you see what a beautiful body you have? Do not allow boys to destroy it. Take care of it." It was at the same age in high school I first heard the word "Virginity". These girls told me what it is and what breaks it. And some lost it at that tender age. Then I started reading a very huge book at home called FAMILY HEALTH GUIDE. That is where I got my sex education. Actually I also learnt reproduction, respiration, excretion, all about physiology and sexually transmitted diseases. No wait! I remember my sister told me a bit about sex, periods and babies! I was only 6 years old and she was 12. She just confused me by telling me if I sleep with a boy I will have a baby. LOL!
Ok, you are probably reading this and waiting to hear about:
"OUTGROWING THE SEXUALITY THE WORLD TAUGHT US."
I remember how shocked I was when I read 1 Corinthians 13:12-18 which tells us the body is not for sexual immorality and that it is "not our own but the temple of the Holy Spirit." That was a wakeup call over 10 years later after being taught and trained about SEXUALITY, SEXY, INTIMACY, PASSIONATE KISSES and ALL THAT IS PERVETTED IN THE EYES OF GOD by the world!!! Being a child who loves reading I learned all the wrong things from my older sister's collections of Blush, People and Cosmopolitan magazines. I even knew about something as perverted as Kama sutra at age 15 from there. Like most of you I thought life is about proving you sexiness and sexuality. I was blinded and lost. I was dying spiritually and emotionally because of the deception the devil feeds us. At that time it was not by choice but by foolishness.
How did I learn the truth?
Only when I started seeking the Lord (Matthews 6:33). He led me to scriptures where He forbids fornication. When did I start seeking the Lord? When I got hurt by the world, breaking relationships, unhealthy friendships and not making ends meet financially. Yes, someone is reading this and saying: "People always run to God when they are in need." No, I knew God and prayer from primary school age and I was born in a church-going family like most of you. I just did not know what is having a personal relationship with God. I accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour in 2002 but my eyes and ears were still blocked by the world. And anyway if we do not listen to Him the pain we experience is what opens our ears, eyes and hearts to Him.
It is not supposed to happen like that. We are not meant to lose ourselves before we can hear God. We are not meant to be abused by Satan before we can run to God. The word of God says: "My people perish for lack of knowledge."Hosea 4:6
The sad reality about this lack of knowledge is that most people are living in struggle, poverty, sicknesses and incomplete prosperity. Look around, some wealthy people are not really in prosperity because they are living in sin. They try to cover their incompleteness by wasting money, exploiting young girls and throwing alcohol-flowing parties. No I am not judging anyone. I am trying to open your eyes. It is al lack of knowledge of the truth from God.
How do you outgrow the sexuality?
Surrender to God: Give your heart, your time, your money, your life, your body, even your sexuality to Him. I talk as someone who went through what you are struggling with. Learning from the word of God (by reading it myself) that SEX OUT OF MARRIAGE IS A SIN which is something we all know moved me to pray against it in my life. It was a cycle of perfecting and failing it. The same way these sinful acts get into your life is the same way they leave. In other words one or two behaviours at a time. The sad thing about sin is that it makes it easy to commit the next sin. It’s like if you lie it is easy to sin. The next thing you lie about your absence at work then you find every man/woman attractive and so on. So if you prayerfully start quitting sinful acts it becomes like a spiritual detox as they exit your lifestyle gradually. This differs with individual as some it might happen all at the same time.
Avoid the triggers: Just like if you are on a diet you avoid sweets for example. So avoid the magazines that talk about sex. When I started my Spiritual Cleansing I started realizing how much sex is on the cover of most magazines and this promoted sex is out of marriage. I cancelled my Cosmopolitan magazine subscription. Guys, quit reading those Sunday papers with uncovered girls. Avoid commercial TV because it is nothing but sexual lately. All these local dramas suddenly have steamy, passionate, homosexual, adulterous and teenage sex scenes. Change what you listen to from the commercial radio station to your music preference. Ladies you might think it’s harmless to listen to Beyonce or Rihanna without watching them. Here's the truth, most of these singers operate under a seductive and sexual spirit which in turn draws you to be seductive and sexual. I remember as innocent as I was, TLC's "Red Light Special" used to trigger things in me yet only now I get to understand how graphic that song is.
Partying, drinking, smoking, sexual provocativeness and promiscuousity and sexy dressing is ministry from the music industry more than any other media. This is a story for another day.
Change how and where you spend your time: Stop going to the famous hangouts where there is free-flow of alcohol, smoking, filthy talk, scantily dressed girls/too many beautiful drunk girls, extravagant show offs, rich men who will pay for your bill and all that you know will never be seen in church. Start getting home before the night life starts. You wonder "Now what will I do with that time?" Get to know God. Spend time praying and reading His word. Spend time with your family; get to know them all over again since they only used to see you when you got home to change. Ladies, sleep at home. Not at a friend's place or some guy who's been promising to marry you since the earth was created. I promise you, the moment you start reading the word of God and asking Him to remodel you realize how much you missed out on life. Do not waste your time living for now. Join a church and one of their ministries. You will see how much there is to life, you will experience true friendships. Never mind the Christians who are still judgmental, they just need your prayers and understanding. I totally cut off hanging out with my friends I loved dearly and experienced fulfillment in the presence of God (Psalm 37:4). Going to church starts making sense and the word that is preached starts impacting your life.
Make new friendships: I tell you, it is difficult to change your steps if you are still walking with people who are walking a different path to yours. I don't mean dump them and no longer talk to them. I still love my friends and consider them as my sisters. I talk to them and pray for them. The difference is how we spend our separate times makes it impossible to make time for each other but I know that time will come. You need someone who speaks life which is God's word in order to feed your vocabulary and thinking. Join a prayer group where you share your experiences and challenges without hearing it from someone you never told. Pray to have friends who will push you when you are dragging, pull you up when you fall and tell you the truth when you are wrong. Bazalwane are not boring. I have friends who are bikers and one is a lady. My husband is passionate about teaching children the word and he also does this through rapping. I am still a fashion designer and some famous designers are deep-rooted Christians. There are many wealthy, high-earning and career-driven Christians who put God first in their lives and need not to show off. Read Ephesians 5:15-16
Spending Your Money: My worst experience is once my heart and eyes opened to the Lord I realized how much money I have wasted in my life and how many bad career choices I made which led me to a financial rut. I realized how far I could have been if I had checked everything with Him. I cared more about keeping relationships and friendships. Your Cellphone bill is probably 30% or more of your salary. You spend on petrol going up and down for a woman/man. He/she calls you in the middle of the night. So for your sake of a relationship and sex (out of marriage) you use your last reserve petrol knowing you will swipe your credit card. Wake up!! That relationship is not going anywhere!!!! Where is God in that relationship? What does He say about debt? (Romans 8:28) If you are already a Christian I do not have to remind you about tithing. You know it very well and you postpone God every month so that you can pay your accounts (Malachi 3:8-10).
Change Your Dress Style: Ladies, I do know the scripture that says "God looks at the heart and not the outward appearance. (1 Samuel 16:7)" but do you know the scripture that says: "Do not cause another to fall? (1 Corinthians 10:32)" That was my redemption from my very short dresses and short pants because all along I only thought about me and how they suited me. Caring less what I was putting in men's minds when they saw me. Yes, you unintentionally and harmlessly wear those breast-showing or discreet skin-exposing clothes, but ask yourself: "Would a queen or a president's wife wear that?" Your dress could be provocative and attract the sexually-infested men who just wanna lay with you. If you want to be pure a man who is not pure will defile your thinking and lead you to falling. Guys, I do not have to tell you about pants below the bum or pants so tight we have to see your frontal anatomy. Dress like a gentleman even in casual clothes.
Do not be unequally yoked: 2 Corinthians 6:14.The same way you have to change your friendships so should the relationship you get into. If you decide to walk with God when you had already started walking with the opposite sex in sin you have to break that sinful bond. No I am not condemning you or your partner. If you decide to walk together, you will need God's supernatural strength to correct and cancel your previous walk. You both need to be strong enough to change your patterns. It would be like breaking up so to tell the truth breaking up would be best as you would have to cut the forbidden kisses, the caressing, sleeping in the same bed, undressing in front of each other and all the things that led you to sleeping together in the first place. Seriously if you are meant to be together you will get back together again in marriage. Otherwise get counseling prayerfully and get married soon. Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-40.
Quit Kissing, caressing and touching yourself: I decided and prayed that the man who is going to marry me
is the one who will not want to kiss me before the altar and amazingly in our
first conversation about relationships I asked my husband: "When do you
think is the right time for a couple to kiss?" He answered: "At the
altar" and that's how it happened despite the engagement and lobola we
waited for the pastor to tell him: "You may now kiss the bride." When
you feel the urge to touch yourself choose to pray or praise God. It is the
best fulfillment to be in the presence of God than having a momentary orgasmic
release. God's presence has a positive lifetime effect whereas the momentary
orgasm is an open door to all kinds of perverted demonic spirits. Read 1
Corinthians 6:18 and Galatians 5:16-21
All of those things I advise you to
avoid, stop or change are doors to evil spirits. Sex out of marriage is the
greatest door to all kinds of evil: PORNOGRAPHY, HOMOSEXUALITY, MASTURBATION,
DEBAUCHERY, SICKNESSES, MENTAL DISORDERS, POVERTY, WICHCRAFT, ALCOHOL ABUSE,
DRUNKENNESS, DISABILITIES, FINANCIAL DISORDER, etc. You might be so blind that
you are not aware that you are suffering from more than one of these evil
disorders. The sad thing is that these spirits are GENERATIONAL (they will
affect your children and their children's children. Exodus 20:5).
Brothers and sisters let us free ourselves and our children and rip our freedom out of the devil's hands and give it to God. Quit being caught up in momentary pleasure. Your body is the temple of the Lord. If you take care of it, when you marry the one you marry will honour it as well. Let us teach our children the word of God and the fact that their bodies belong to God before they learn it from TV, the internet and their friends. Let us not sacrifice our children by allowing them to fit in by what they listen to, what they watch and how they dress (Romans 12:2).
In everything you do pray that God helps you. Pray that He makes your flesh dead to sin and raise your spirit man. Do not condemn yourself if you fail but repent and keep on and eventually you will get it right. Read 37:23-24.
Brothers and sisters let us free ourselves and our children and rip our freedom out of the devil's hands and give it to God. Quit being caught up in momentary pleasure. Your body is the temple of the Lord. If you take care of it, when you marry the one you marry will honour it as well. Let us teach our children the word of God and the fact that their bodies belong to God before they learn it from TV, the internet and their friends. Let us not sacrifice our children by allowing them to fit in by what they listen to, what they watch and how they dress (Romans 12:2).
In everything you do pray that God helps you. Pray that He makes your flesh dead to sin and raise your spirit man. Do not condemn yourself if you fail but repent and keep on and eventually you will get it right. Read 37:23-24.
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| Happily Ever After |
