Pray More Over Your Marriage Than You Talk About It

In my previous posts about marriage is dwelt  on words: "What to say and not to say to or about our husbands and marriages." Now I amstill on words but this time are not on what to say or not say but we are focusing on what we should do more than say.

We are to  "Determine to pray more words over our marriages than speak about our marriages." How many of us are doing that? Some of us might not be guilty of speaking bad but could either be continuously going on about our marriages or husbands to our friends, colleagues, families and even social media which could create envy and jealousy from some. Or some could always be discussing their marriage "issues" with their husbands.

Choose to be wise by praying more than speaking more. For every word you speak about your marriage, pray maybe about ten or more words over it. Daily when I speak to God in prayer I thank Him for the things my husband is and does, I even  thank Him for what I trust God my husband is becoming instead of continuously going back to Him with the same request. I already speak those things that he is not yet as though he is and believe me he becomes as I pray. Whatever we struggle in I speak as it is successful in prayer. For example, if intimacy or lovemaking dwindles,  I charge up our marriage by speaking what I want to happen.

I am sharing about what I do to show you it works. Words and prayer have been the determining factor in our marriage. My husband and I chose to speak, pray and agree on the things our marriage will never become  before we even got married. Till today in the years we've been married we have not experienced them because we continue to pray more over our marriage, speak into our marriage than speak about it to others.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 _"Pray continuously."_

CAN LOVE SURVIVE IF THE ONE WHO LOVES LACKS WISDOM?

Let me first use world quotes:

As the famous saying *"Wisdom is key"* marrying someone who has no wisdom at all or you having not attained wisdom will be a slow suicide. When they say marriage is not for kids they do not refer to age but wisdom and understanding.
Anyone can fall in love. Our 4 year old son falls in love with his different toys daily. He has declared his love for his friends.
How many times have you fallen in love and every time you encountered something you didn't like you fell out of love? I fell in love many times (I even used to write love poems. LOL! ) and always thought it would blossom into marriage. Until I was older and wiser.

Coming to God’s Word

How do we attain wisdom? From God (James 1:5 "
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.)
One needs to really have a tight relationship with God in order to get  wisdom and all things he needs to prosper in. (Jeremiah 33:3 " Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." and Joshua 1:8). This also where " _Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain._" Ps 127:1 comes in.

Think about the Garden of Eden. Adam was all alone with God before God created him a mate. He was tight buddies with God and it is from Him where he learnt to take care of the world.
Then when God created Eve He put Adam to sleep so He could  have a one on one with this beautiful creation called woman.

So ladies and gentleman embrace this temporary loneliness and serve God to your outmost possibility.
Ask Him for the wisdom and understanding. Which is what makes Ephesians 5:22-33 a second nature instead of an effort or expectation once one is married.

If love is the motivation to marriage without wisdom how will one understand or know how to love as 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 states?
Yes we are physical beings and are first attracted to what we see but that's not what makes us agree to life together forever in holy matrimony. Blessed are we that we have learnt to keep our clothes on and hands to ourselves until we are declared by a pastor as husband and wife. Therefore we are safe from eros love or lust-motivated marriages. Eiiiii.... this is the most *stupidifying*(own word) thing in the world. The greatest men of God have fallen by it as you can see wisdom had left the buildings at that time.

ARISE FOR YOUR TIME HAS ARRIVED! by Faith Monchusi (as God spoke)

I wrote this in June 2012 on Facebook.

I was just reading the book of Isaiah 60 and I went back to Isaiah 60:1-2 and the Lord gave me these words which He wants you to receive as well:

The Lord is faithful. He never just speaks but what He speaks comes to pass. He said you are the light of the world(Mat 5:14). When you trust in the Lord, surrender your life to Him and do His will He shall shine upon you. You have been in darkness until you drew closer to God's light.

The world is covered in darkness, gloom, sadness, sorrow and sin but you who are made perfect by God, you who is a broken vessel renewed by God, you who have been cleansed by the blood of the Lamb, arise! Lift up your head and walk tall for all to see His glory is upon you.

Your time has come to reap what you sowed. Your tears have turned to joy. Your time has come to live like a king for you are seated with Christ. Arise! No one cannot see you for you shine of His glory in you. All are drawn to you because of Him shining through you.

Favour draws the blessings, the prosperity in everything, the abundance of wealth, fruitfulness! All your desires are fulfilled. Arise and shine but do not forget the light is not for you alone but for you to light up the darkness in the world, open their eyes and let them draw to His ever-shining light!

Arise for He has answered you prayers for it is morning, a new day, fresh anointing, eternal blessings, opened floodgates of heaven. No more crying, no more pain, no more worries, no more debts, no more sickness, no more lack for the Lord has come and see He has prepared your table in the presence of your enemies(Ps 23:5). Invite them too so they may know the Lord your serve is a forgiving Father.

Rejoice always! Arise! The light is upon you! Keep your head up and your eyes fixed on Him and shine for all to see the glory of the Lord!

Arise my brothers and sisters!
Arise you who are the Light of the world!



Isaiah 60:1-2 " 1 Arise, shine, for your light has come,and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.2 See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples,but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you."

Amen

TWO WORDS THAT CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE

Two Words That Can Strengthen Your Marriage

We are still on words but this time we are not getting a detox but getting a boost. Words we must say to build our husbands and our marriages.

Thank you. The two most easiest words but most hardest to say. The two words which is actually only one word in some languages. Ngiyabonga, dankie (sounds better as "Baie dankie), tankie". We even teach them to our babies as part of their language development. These words can do so much good to our marriages if we use them regularly and in the right situations.

Poster taken from www.adamhamilton.org

How many times do you say "Thank you" to your husband? For instance, when he washes the dishes or just clears them? For putting the toilet seat down? For washing your car? For buying groceries, cooking supper sometimes, taking down the washing when you couldn’t? I can write a whole book mention the things you can thank him for.

I must admit, I learnt to say "Thank you"  even for the smallest gestures or doing what is naturally expected to be done by me from my husband. He thanks me for cleaning the house and even for saying goes something kind. The feeling I get when he thanks me has taught me to thank him as well. It is easy to get by and forget to be thankful so instead of keeping the "Thank you" to ourselves let us learn to say it to our husbands. When he does something he never does don't say something like: "Yoo what happened that you out of all people did this?" or "Did you wake up in a good mood today?" Just say "Thank you for...."

If you think you have nothing to thank him for, when did you last thank him for choosing you? For being a good father(even if you think he is not, remember the power of words)? For being kind to you? Beloved wife think of the positive things you can thank your husband for and go ahead and thank him. While you are at it, thank God as well because He by all means has an influence on the good things in your marriage.

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

The Words You Speak Becomes The House You Live In

You are probably looking forward to to reading today's topic looking forward to a different one from the words topic on words . I am sorry the great Doctor prescribed a repeat on this one because words have the greatest influence on life and the world we live in above anything else. Remember the earth and all that makes it beautiful were created just by God's spoken word and so now since we were created in His image He gave us the same power to create with our words.

What kind of home or marriage are you creating with your words? Are you continuously creating a warm, loving, kind, peaceful marriage and home or are you sometimes breaking the beautiful one and creating a hostile, unkind and cold marriage and home?

Proverbs 14:1 says: "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."
Words are the main thing that build or tear down marriages, homes and people. It is not only what you do or don't do, because you might be doing all that is right like the Virtuous Woman of Proverbs 31 but if your tongue is not daily washed with the word of God but it daily or sometimes spews vile or shoots daggers at your husband you are actively destroying your marriage.

The poster or picture(which I found online) above says "The words you speak becomes the house you live in". If you continue to speak words that are unkind, condescending, judgemental, argumentative, whining, demeaning and disrespectful, your house will have a damaged roof, falling walls, unlockable doors through which all kinds of attacks can come through.

Remember the power of words. You might not be saying them to your husband but using negative words to describe him or your marriage to someone else. You are still doing the same destruction to your marriage. And what you say, becomes. What you speak you also act out then it unconsciouly shows in how you treat him.

Choose to rather speak the opposite about your husband or marriage and see the power God gave to you through your words. As it is written in  Romans 4:17 (last part of the verse): "...the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not."

Remember Your Vows

Words... they can build or tear down. Words is what we use in the beginning of the journey of our marriages. These words are called vows. Words are what we use to relate to each other as human beings as well as in prayer when we speak to God.

Do you remember you wedding vows? If you said the traditional ones you obviously remember them. If you write your own or spoke from your heart like I did, you also should remember them unless maybe you were extremely drunk in love and spoke out of euphoria.

Why am I referring you to your vows? It is to remind you and me the power words have over our marriages. You might have just gone to the magistrate office and signed as husband and wife or just got married traditionally, but I believe there was an exchange of words between you and your husband. You made positive and kind promises to each other. There were  no threats, no manipulative, criticising, whining or unkind words but beautiful words.

Whenever bad thoughts that bring bad words to your mouth come to your mind, remember the words you spoke kindly to your husband in the presence of your witnesses. Do not repeat the vows in anger and say: _"Ya  vele (yes of course), I said I will love you even in bad times just like now!!_  Remember your feelings and moods at the time you said them and choose to speak kindly to your husband.

Remember your vows, "Till death do us part", choose to speak words that give life and not words that kill or destroy. Keep your promises and keep your vows. Once again, if there is any animosity or any score to settle with your husband, take it to God. Not your mom, his mom or your friends. Otherwise you will be opening a door to other destructive words into your marriage. Speak to God. Spend time with Him. He will also teach you kind, powerful and positively effective words to speak to your husband and build your marriage.

A WOMAN OF PRAYER, A WOMAN OF WORSHIP AND POETRY FOR GOD

Since we celebrate Women in August here in South Africa, I  just decided now to honour women who make living for God worth it just by them living the word of God and sticking to the truth. Ever since I surrendered my life fully to God He keeps bringing people with excellent spirits and hearts after Him.

One of those ladies is Aus Anna Nkhoma, a woman of prayer and God's word. A big sister I found via Facebook though we fellowship at the same church but never met there before Facebook. Her Facebook profile has always been my most preferred because she never derails from the truth and she never focuses on self. In this same month in 2016, when hubby and I went into battle in prayer for our son, God told me to hook up with Aus Anna to go war with us. She never questioned nor doubted but put on her full armour and took all the necessary weapons and went ahead of us in battle together with her friend Aus Masesi Masilela (a woman who didn't  know me and I have never met because she lives overseas). 

I believe she(they) took the blow of August 2016 together with our Bishop for us that is why we were never emotionally or spiritually wounded. I know our second son knows her dearly. God bless her for the calls and voice notes of prayer and worship songs she composed and sent me daily when I was recovering ICU. 

Till this day whenever Aus Anna and I talk on  the phone we need to have uninterrupted 2 hours to chat because we have so much to talk about. We really owe each other a cup of coffee and about 5 hours minimum.  I actually believe our face-face chat would require a full day because we always have so much to talk about the on word of God, life and poetry.

Aus Anna neh...is one of those people who gave up the comfort of a high paying job to do something for the benefit of others. She is the modern version of Mother Theresa in my view. Together with other partners  she started a non-profit organisation that works with young people helping them with their studies to enable them to reach their potential in their studies, help them apply for bursaries towards their tertiary education . 

This gold hearted woman of God is a mother to many young people and a biological mom to one beautiful, intelligent, smart and beautiful young lady she named Kelello. I hope Kelello is aware of the wealth she has in her mother. 

One of the other things I love about Aus Anna is that she is never too busy, or lazy or shy to tell people about and lead them to Christ. In all her encounters none of these strangers she meets have ever refused to listen to her nor refuse to accept Christ. I have never told her this but I truly love and appreciate this woman of God. I pray for her to have a long and prosperous life so she can get to see the fruits of what she works for daily. I also pray that may God grant her heart's desires which we always talk about and the ones she has never told me about.

Aus- actually written as Ausi is a Sotho word for sister. We use the word in our culture to show respect and honour  to a lady who is older but not old.

Are You Building Up Or Tearing Down Your House With Your Words?

Do you know your words can build or tear down your marriage? You obviously know the scripture that says: "Death and life lies in the power of the tongue and those who love it, eat the fruits thereof. "

So dear wives one of the ways to Divorce-proof your marriage is by watching your words, avoiding certain words and speaking necessary, life-giving words to your husband. Avoid words that are full of complaints, blame, judgement and belittling.

Words or phrases like: "You never"; "You always"; "You never listen to me"; "You don't understand me"; "You don't care about me"; "You are selfish"; "You don't appreciate";_ et cetera. There are many of them which I believe come to your mind as you read these ones. By using "always/never" in your sentences you are telling him you don’t have faith in him that he can change. This will not only discourage him, but make him feel less motivated to try! You then wonder later why he does not like being home.

There are better ways to convey your message through a better choice of your words and your tone. For example, instead of blurting out: "You are always chatting on your phone."_ Rather say: “I would really like to talk to you now, it would be great if you could put your phone now”._ If it does become a reoccurring situation we could use words like “often” or “frequently” to soften the tone.

The one word you should never ever utter no matter what, is the notorious D word. Never ever say: "Let's get a divorce." You are not a teenager in a dating relationship in which you react by breaking up. You must never throw that word around just to try and manipulate your husband into doing what you want or as a threat just to hurt him. That is an evil way to get your way. Manipulation and threats are of Satan and divorce is his pleasure. Choose to be kind, calm and choose your words. Rather go to God afterwards and cry to Him.

Who knows? Maybe you might find out you are the one who needs to change. Maybe your husband's behaviour is due to something you do/say or don't do/say so only God can reveal that to you.

Speak words that  build your marriage not tear it down. Say words like "Thank you"; "I appreciate you"; "I appreciate when you"; "I love you"; "I respect you"; "I am sorry"; "You are the best." Say words you would love to hear being said to you. As the saying goes: _"What you put in is what you get out."_ And scripture says: "Give it shall be given to you."

BE IN AGREEMENT AS A COUPLE

Picture from https://biblicalproof.wordpress.com

Amos 3:3 says: _"How can two walk together if they are not in agreement."_ Apply this to marriage: "How can husband and wife live peaceably if they are not in agreement?"

We live in an information age where we learn new behaviours, how to do things and sometimes even how to run our homes (marriages). Some of us might have been single for a long time and have acquired independence and making decisions on our own. Some marry young and are still attached to their moms' apron strings that they still discuss their ideas with their moms who will then approve, disapprove or influence otherwise. Now this way of thinking and making decisions does not work in marriage.

The word of God tells us we ought to leave (our parents) and cleave (become one flesh) to our spouses. Becoming one flesh does not only refer to being one sexually as a married couple but refers to us as individuals coming together as whole beings spiritually, mentally and emotionally into one.

Decision Making

God set the husband as the head of his wife and his family (Ephesians 5:23). Being the head means being the decision-maker. However just like in a company, the CEO is the one who makes the last decision but his decisions will be influenced by those he leads by them making him see the picture of what they are suggesting. Let me make a simple example we take for granted. Decorating the house: It would bring more harmony if I as a wife suggest or enquire on my husband’s thoughts on the type or colour of curtains I would like us to buy.

We all know men do not talk much but if we would involve them in most decisions we would know how they feel. We might take things for granted saying: "Hai what does he know about curtains?!" and keep buying what only appeals to us and this way of decision-making will spread into every other thing in the home. The husband might just keep quiet and keep saving these behaviours to himself. This in turn will affect communication between the two of you and also creep in the intimacy connection. For some he might start being rude and throwing words rudely.

The more liberty born from ignorance of the head (husband)'s input will lead to liberty even in when is he going to have your body. Because you are not discussing some things your husband then creates a wall and might even be affected to wanting you sexually. You wonder why and how. Because you have demoted your husband from the head of the home to the child under you. This is where terms like "big baby" comes from. You are the one who made him a baby by not involving and discussing with him your plans, shopping (saying you are not spending his money but yours), changing of jobs or changing from housewife to a business woman, hiring a helper which means now his private space is affected without him ever being asked or agreeing to it, just to mention a few.

You might be feeling sexy in how you dress but does he feel OK about it? Do you ask him what he thinks of your tight-fitting dress or cleavage out when you go out or to work? Do you plan your weekends alone by making plans with your girls or mom before considering him and asking him what you can do together? Then we wonder when our husbands start living on an island inside our own homes. He ends up preferring to read, be on the computer or watch sports if he is not an extrovert or for the extrovert to always be out until late.

Application: Dear Women of God, this scripture gives us a basis of how to live in harmony. Be in agreement as a couple. You have been called to be his helper. Help him to see things your way but not force it. If he says no to your suggestion let it be no and not go tell your mother or friend who will say your husband knows nothing. Start everything in prayer. Invite the Holy Spirit to be part of your planning meeting and ask Him to help you accept the response.

Prayer should actually be the first and most important foundation of your marriage. personally use this time to address some issues or suggest somethings in this time. So we pray first, share the word and before we pray in closing bring suggestions or issues to each other and God.

Picture from https://fairhaven.church/

Remember, marriage is partnership but the husband is the head in this partnership.

A Compliment Can Save A Life Or Change A Mind

We were created to appreciate compliments (no I'm not saying that's the reason God created us for. Please read further). As you know we were created in God's image (Genesis 1:27) and since God loves to be praised there is that inner desire in us to be praised. No, I don't mean praised as in being idolized and worshiped but actually being complemented in how we look or what we've done. Even babies enjoy compliments. Think about a baby learning to clap his hands, stand up, walk or any new skill they learn or achieve. They glow, get excited and smile at just hearing you say...."sisisi....good boy". I personally saw this with our son and till this day at the age of three he wants to be complimented for doing or saying something we taught him correctly.

It all started in the garden of Eden after God created man and gave him authority over everything He said:"It is good" (Genesis 1:27-31 ). Then after He created the woman out of the man's rib, the first words the woman heard was compliments out of the man's mouth (Genesis 2:22-). Every time I think of that first encounter I imagine if Adam was talking in isiZulu he would have said: "Dudlu mtwana. Thambo lam' e lifresh." LOL! (Refer to Genesis 2:22)

Ok bringing it back to the point of writing this, when I say ; "A Compliment Can Save A Life Or Change A Mind", we must learn to compliment each other as well as strangers. Some people come from homes where a compliment does not exist. All they hear is negative words about them. Some wake up alone at home and get to hear a nasty, jealous person (who also needs to be saved) telling them how ugly, fat, unattractive they are or not suited by what they are wearing. Or that kind of person criticize the work of their hands or smashes their dreams and aspirations.

I met a lady who was working as a cleaner at a hospital a year ago. I could not get over how beautiful she looked and how kind (attractive) her whole face was and how beautiful her skin was.  I saw her the couple of days we kept going to the unit she worked in, and as she was talking to us and comforting us (story for another day) the radience in her face moved something in me. I felt a nudge as if God was saying to me: "Tell her she is beautiful." I told her she looked beautiful and has the face and skin for modelling facial products. I even complimented how flawless her make up looked. She was so overjoyed and told her colleague saying: " Do you hear what she just said? Just after so-and-so told me I must change my make up it doesn't suit me!"

To cut the story as I was using it as an illustration, I have learnt that someone could be dying inside because of the negative they keep hearing from others about themselves. Self-talk alone doesn't work as some people are called "confident and self-motivated." We constantly need to hear that we look good, we did well, we are good at this and that in order to thrive.

This is why people turn to social media. No one can say "I hate it when I post my picture and people like it." Then don't post. It is human nature. Personally getting a compliment that "I look beautiful" from my mom means I really look "Hollywood screen gorgeous." LOL! I don't blame her and I'm used to her. But she does compliment what I do, what i am wearing, compliments my husband's personality and character oh but she goes on about our son's looks and intelligence. LOL! I suppose my mom grew up with the belief of "Don't tell your child they are beautiful otherwise they won't sleep at home. LOL! But really with this point I'm trying to show how compliments are rare from home.

How can a compliment change a mind or save a life you ask as per my heading? Someone could be continuously hearing how unattractive, fat, stupid or anything else most of their lives. Some live up to that because they heard it so much they believe it. Try it with someone you know. You know that frumpy-looking, lazy-walking, I-don't-care kind of person. He or she is probably in your office, the bus you ride or lives on your street. Find something nice to say to them and see the change happen to them. It took words from God in the beginning to change what was there. He said to the dark, formless world "Let the be light" (Genesis 1:3). Words change the atmosphere and change people. Words make a plant grow or die. Words, beautiful words make things beautiful.

It took me gaining weight from pregnancy to hear how cruel people can be. As if you don't have a mirror they employ themselves into that position to tell you "Shoo ha usanonanga"(means you've gained so much weight). It was disheartening and irritating but thanks be to God I know who I am and that my soul is far worth than the vessel it is carrying. No not giving in to lazyness and doing nothing. I did loose the weight in a good way. And thanking my husband for always telling me I look beautiful.

Which that brings me to married people. Never cease telling your wife she is beautiful. Your words are the water and food that will keep her blossoming like a beautiful flower. Wives, you too must never cease telling him he looks good, he did well, you appreciate his efforts (yeah men appreciate the efforts of her cooking and cleaning as well). May neither of your spouse hear that from the opposite sex who is not you. May it be by the time they hear it outside, they are already blooming from your words that those other words are just wind.
The same goes with your children. Do not wait for them to be teenagers and looking like young women or men. They won't believe you by then, instead they will believe strangers who always told them when you didn't. Children need their parents to believe in them, support them morally and compliment them. Be their number one cheerleader and fan If that happens to them peer pressure will be a rumour or wind to them.

To close this "was-not-supposed-to-be-so-long" write-up, if you are not so good or brave to share the Gospel (may God help you) tell people what God thinks of them.  He sees them as wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14). He sees them as conquerors (Romans 8:38). He sees them as his beautiful workmanship(Ephesians 2:10). You know yourself that whatever you make with your hands, invent from your mind, plans and ideas you execute, are great, beautiful, wonderful in your eyes. Like every mother looks at her child and says they are beautiful. Be that mouthpiece of the Creator and compliment someone out three. Plant seeds of compliments and change lives. And hey as scripture says: "What you reap is what you sow." (Galatians 6:7) You will also get recognized and complimented for your looks and your works.

PS. For me compliments to others come naturally because in my daily prayer I ask God to teach me to see people the way that He sees them and never to judge them by the seeing of the natural eyes or hearing of the natural ear.

A MAN FIT TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY....How To Not Waste Your Time

Catchy and confusing title I know. If there are any critics reading this they are probably saying in their head: "Who died and made Faith a judge of the right man to be married to?" Or those who just read things as black and white as they see them would ask: "Is it not the man who marries the woman and not vice versa? LOL!" Calm down and get off your high horse and read this note further for clarity of the title.

I wanted to say "Well I did not write this for the critics, or Miss "KnowBetters" but then I am not here to sound sarcastic. I am here to do the work of God the best way I know how and hopefully letting Him be the one who speaks through my writing.

Most women hope to meet Mr. Right, a Mr. God-Fearing-Man who will love them enough to give them their last name and build a future together in a union blessed by God. I am writing this to advice or warn those hopeful wives-to-be on how to know the right man from the wrong or the Potential Priest from the Potential Mistake. Someone once responded on my Facebook post and asked: "How do you know so much about men?" Well it took only two men in my life before Christ to get the summary of how (wrong) men think or behave. These are relationships that lasted; one was six years and the other one, two years. And well after these failed relationships I went on a few dates with Potential Priests (which at that time I didn't know my worth I overlooked them) and Potential Mistakes. Ok well this article is not about my relationships but about your future. You are welcome to read further which I believe might help you in making the right decisions or stop here and continue wasting your time, airtime and petrol to meet up with the sweet talkers who might lead you to mistakes.

OK, my sister, being approached or asked out by a man does not require you to be a bombshell. Just being a woman will definitely attract suitors or chancers in your life because you have what they don't. Let me not go there. However, being a bombshell (all made up and looking like you are from some fake reality show looking almost like the Kardashians) will attract all kinds of men and a few ( seriously FEW) Potential Priestly husbands. I am not saying you must not look good but rather look at what your clothes are communicating.
(For those with lack of Christian jargon let me explain a Potential Priest or Priestly Husband: As according to God's word husbands are supposed to be the priests of their households {see Ephesians 5:22,23 and 1 Timothy 2:11-14}. So relax, I am not implying you should consider getting married to a priest or pastor.)
So in other words, going back to attracting men: I am saying that you will meet men who will be interested in knowing you for what ever reasons they have.

Since, you are continuing to read this I am going to address you as a woman who is hoping to get married sooner or later. Uhmm...there is no sin in having that desire. If you are in Christ and it is in your heart and it is not lustful, it is God-given (refer to Psalm 37:4).

The Potential Mistake 1

It does not matter where you meet him, whether it is church or someone hooked you up (eish there comes a time when you seem so invisible that friends hook you up. My aunt was hooked up with her priest and they are both pastors of their church 14 years still. So hook ups can work.). Chances are you already believe he is the Potential Priest. Then comes "The Talk" about marriage but in real it is about SEX. My sister, if you are the one to reveal or explain to him why sex out of marriage is sin: RUN!!!! This man needs to find Jesus who will teach him. Not you! If you decide to be the No-Sex-Before-Marriage counselor for a man who is not your sibling, you will slip, fall and find yourself panting in his nakedness and yours. Men are mentally and spiritually stronger and influential than women (see 1 Peter 3:7). A man can wait months dating you, saying the right things and even have the guts to pray with you just to eventually take off your garments one by one. Some even go as far as buying the ring. Do not even be fooled by the bling. Your treasure costs more than those stones on that gold or whatever it is. If he tells you anything that violates the word of God about sexual purity....I repeat: RUN!!!! This shows what occupies his mind most of the time.

It is not that we are all so holy as if sex never crosses our minds but if it makes part of your conversations with him as in "It's ok to do it before marriage." instead of "How can we maintain our purity together" as a mutual dialogue then sisters you are on the wrong train to nowhere. If you stay, and you slip and end doing it two possibilities will occur.
One: He will stick around provided you will continue to feed his physical needs. Sadly for us women, once a man has gotten a piece of us, we are totally hooked. That is how we were created. We become one flesh with them (Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:8 , 1 Corinthians 6:16) and sadly this totally clouds the woman's thinking. Since now this is not a blessed union (not a marriage) you will slowly detach from God. This is what is called Soul Ties. The man will stay as long as he pleases until he meets another concubine or a Potential Virtuous woman whom he will marry and leave you in a broken state.

Two: He will leave you. If he is supposingly a Christian (or wannabe Christian) he will make you feel like a harlot, Jezebel or Delilah. He will blame you for his "fall". Or if he is not that ruthless to that degree he will slowly fade out of your life either by: all of a sudden he is caught up in work or studies or family matters. Or he will start a sob story of how he is not good enough for you. You being concerned about your potential husband, will waste your airtime calling him to comfort him or send scriptures. You will even answer to altar calls for prayer requests asking for prayers for your potential marriage.
 
Hey! Sister! Wake up! He's gone! Pray for your own healing. Restore your relationship with God who will never leave you nor forsake you. God is a God of many chances (Psalm 37:23-24). Do not beat yourself down and think you are not worthy of God's forgiveness. If you don't pray and cleanse yourself of this misfortune and break the soul tie you will find yourself in a repitition of these kinds of relationships and wonder two to five years later why are you not married. (Advice: Order yourself this DVD "No More Sheets" by Juanita Bynum. I got mine at Cum Books. They can order it for you if they do not have it).

In some instances, pregnancy occurs however way people claim it happened (condom broke) and a child comes into existence of a relationship that was not even a month old but he does not marry you. Need I go further? Rather make your own conclusions. Ok maybe eventually he marries you with or without the baby. Mhhhh...How is that foundation for a lifetime marriage? How many veld fires to put out in future?

The Potential Mistake 2

He is in many ways like Potential Mistake 1. Where and how you meet him is just like 1. Most of the time the "where" and "how we meet" them gives us the idea "He could be the one." Adding to his list of what makes him "The one" is that he can quote scriptures, pray in tongues and unashamedly pray for your meal in a public restuarant/eating place, holding your hands.
Warning: He makes remarks about you looking sexy. How he likes the way your dress or pants shape your form. How your cleavage should be seen. Woman, we were created to be complimented (flesh of my flesh...) so some compliments can lead us to our fall. If they come from someone we allowed in our private space (I am not referring to nakedness or sex but relation) they sound appropriate and most even influential. These compliments end up shaping our shopping preferences. You unconsciously or maybe consciously start buying and wearing skin tight or skin-meant-to-be-covered-revealing garments. What makes it seem ok to you? The fact that he speaks but not touch you and the fact that he has never spoken about sex.

Woman, men are hunters. As much as they know how to trap their prey and catch it, they know how to entice and influence a woman to think herself into ending up where he wants her. The extra tight pants/skirts, the cleavage/thigh-revealing clothes end up creating a magnetic force for his hands and fingers. You on the other hand, having lost your reservations about your supposed-to-be-covered bits will feel like it is the same as him touching your hands until you end up too far. He might not go too far the first time. Men are more cleverer and sneakier than we think. They don't mind waiting for the right moment. For us women, sweetheart we can easily be weakened and blinded out of focus. The reason why Joseph ran out the moment Potiphar's wife grabbed his cloak he knew he will not withstand the touch of her hands on his skin. So woman be wise like Joseph and run from having a relationship with a man whose compliments to you are "Sexy", "You ooze of sex appeal", "hot", "Yummy Mummy".

The Potential Mistake 3

Mr. "I drink occassionaly" or "I drink wine as an appetizer": This man will use the excuse that Christ turned water to wine so it is not a sin to drink alcohol/ wine. You might not have met him at Newscafe or a club since you are a reformed church-goer so you probably met him after a powerful church service or at one of those single ministry events. He can either give you so much educated information about how beer or wine is fermented, give you all the names of wines from Chardonay, Cabernet Sauvignon to Merlot and when and how they are sipped. Sister! Hey! There is nothing wise or intelligent or romantic about that knowledge. A man who knows is his alcohol is an educated alcoholic. Even the one who drinks the same beer brand is just as bad. Do you know that alcohol kills brain cells but your educated drinking date will give you his googled research that only excessive drinking kills brain cells. But for you own sanity, let us hear what scripture says about alcohol:
Ephesians 5:18 "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to reckless indiscretion. Instead, be filled with the Spirit." ( See also Proverbs 23:30-31, Ecclesiastes 10:16-17)
If he says he does not drink to get drunk or does not get drunk he might have reached his threshold of not getting drunk. You will only hear from the things he starts saying if you are not drunk yourself by his educated drunkeness. Well I do not understand why would you still be in his company on his second drink. Sister, daughter of God, excuse yourself off to the ladies room and not return. Do not be confused by the huge tip for the waiter. He tips as much as he is drunk probably.

Do you want me to give you the disadvantage of a man who still drinks alcohol? OK, firstly: Disclaimer: These statements are not meant to judge anyone trying to overcome drinking alcohol as we are all still being made and perfected by God for His glory. We are all overcomers of things that entangled us in life but people must first be free of their entanglements before they entangle others in their entangled mess."
Ok, I said alcohol kills brain cells. To put it better, it clouds one's judgement. If the word of God warns against drinking alcohol/wine/spirits it shows there are dangers in it. If a person can overlook God's warning about one or two scriptures what about the other scriptures like "Thou shall not fornicate." As much or possible it is for alcohol (excessive apparently) to lead to impotence (No sister grab your dictionary) or kill sperms, it does increase lustful physical desires. He could offer you a taste, a sip amd maybe a glass of wine. Girl!!!! Red wine or just alcohol can awaken the lower members that you constantly slay in prayer. How do you think people wake up finding themselves in bed with people they never intended to or end up in with, what they call "one night stands" (I know you know what that is. You were not born and raised on Mars)? How does alcohol always suffer the blame of: "I would not have done that if I was not drunk!" Like alcohol made them do it.

Ok, maybe he does not drink too much in your presence or even offer you what he is drinking or similar (another alcoholic drink) and he does not entice you to sleep with him but instead....(Yey! What you hoped hope for!) he marries you. Are you prepared to deal with the implications of his drinking? Are you prepared to wait late nights till morning waiting for him to return home and maybe come back only later the next day with stories like "I was too drunk or had more than the allowed amount to drive and slept at my friends." Are you okay with 30% or more of the budget going to liquor expenditure? And then what next? Manifestations of vocal and physical abuse? Why is it some alcoholic drinks are called spirits? If one drinks them do they not get possesed by these spirits? Think about this is if the Paul in the Bible says: "And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit," (Ephesians 5;18) do you not think alcohol(wine) would have the same but opposite effects as the Spirit? Remember again the scriptures about becoming "one flesh", how safe are you from not ending up being a sipping saint yourself? Look not to other relationships of one spouse drinking alcohol and the other not drinking even after years of marriage. You are not created with same strengths or same grace.






                               

My advice: If you see a Potential Priest in this Sipping Saint, stay away from him until he is delivered from his sipping issues. Do not be his AA buddy. It is the same as converting a man yourself. It must be his own decision. I know of women who met their Potential Priests while they were still Sipping Saints and got transformed by the power of God. The journey was not easy and not short. And again your strengths and grace are not the same. A lot of Ghost-bursting had to take place. Unless you have over a year, two or five to wait while tripping and sliding and hoping he will still be there when you get up again.
PS. My father became an alcoholic some time after his marriage to my mom, became paraplegic after being hit by a car and became physically abusive to my mom and us until my mother divorced him. So this is another kind ofdisclaimer. So I am not judging anyone.
 

The Potential Mistake 3

This one is actually a Mr. Do-Not-Even-Date-Him. He has an idea there is God but has no connection whatsoever with Christ. Maybe he does go church that is just different from yours but when you start talking scriptures he calls you "Mamfundisi"( Pastor's wife). He might ask you why do you travel with a Bible or ask why do you have it on your phone? He will say you music collection (Gospel) is so boring. He criticizes Christians and calls them hypocrytes. Woman, if you are christian and someone criticizes your fellow Christian brothers and sisters that should scratch you the same way as anyone who criticizes your family member. If you can allow anyone to say all negative and nasty things about them you will just have become his victim. You will also start looking at Christians and Christianity with flesh eyes. You will start criticizing even your pastors. That, my sister is Assisted Spiritual Suicide. You will totally be disconnected from the Holy Spirit and what will then protect you from other sins? It is just the same as a man who is spiritually shorter, stunted or behind you where you are. All that he will do is pull you back spiritually. Rather as a woman, as a weaker vessel, you need a man who is spiritually mature than you. I won't quote the scripture again. Refer to the first mention of Potential Priest. I will not even say anything about a man who has connections or communications with the dead for the sake of people who think it is spiritually superior and sensitive balck consciousness. All I can say is "He who joins himself with...." so you choose who or what you become joint with.

The Potential Mistake 4

Mr. Selfmade-Millionnaire/Multimillionnare; He is all made up from head to toe with EXPENSIVE, drives EXPENSIVE, eats EXPENSIVE, tips EXPENSIVE and talks EXPENSIVE. No, no, no there is nothing wrong or sinful about EXPENSIVE or a wealthy man. There are many Wealthy Men who are truly and deeply rooted in Christ. The difference here is the "heart". Where is his heart? You can hear it in his conversations and his behaviour towards people. This man does not mind flying you out of your city to dine you in another city first class and back without even advancing to sleep with you or even attempt to kiss you. He will make you feel like a princess. He will take you sight-seeing. He does not even mind to pay for a vacation or spa day for you and your girlfriends. What makes him happy is knowing where you are. He will even freely give you his platinum card to go shopping (so he would know where you are). Which woman would say that's not the life I want? He is always out of the country or if he is not that wealthy but has money his always in business meetings or on business trips. When he speaks to you he speaks to you on speaker for his friends to hear you. He can even offer to throw you a Beach Birthday party because he can afford it. He will maybe even let you drive his sports cars. I am talking about a man who has not taken you to his bed. He sounds promising neh? The weird thing about this relationship is that he does not know much about you. He does not know what you like, what are your aspirations and the fact that you are still alive because of Christ in your life. You are not even able to open the Bible let alone quote a scripture when you are with him because he is intemidating in a way you cannot expalin. Girl, he is not interested in you. You start assuming that he is probably interested in knowing you in the future.

Ok, girl, are you assuming the Potential of a husband in a man is because he is not interested in sleeping with you? Are you assuming the fact that he spends so much money on you is because he is building a future with you? Whether he said it (he mentioned marriage but not marrying you) or has not said it should not cause you to waste your time with a collector if what you are hoping for is a man who will marry you. Why do I call him a collector? How many shoes, how many cars, how many houses, how many, just how many things does he have? The fact that he does not sleep with you is because he is very careful with  his seed. Condoms are not that effective. Or he is careful with his reputation. Women now unashamedly publish stories of their sexapades (moments of foolisness) with wealthy men or polititicians. This man just likes you as much as he likes his car, or shoe or watch. You are just another collector's item in his life. He likes how you look: "Beautiful". You make him look good. It is either your physical beauty or your anointing (just like the effect of Joseph's anointing in Potiphar's life).

Woman tell me, do you even know who or what he worships? Do you know who or what is he in partnership with spiritually? Are you still dumbfounded by the perfume you cannot even spell or the taste of the foreign dish you ate? What are your values? What are you looking for in a marriage? Companionship and fellowship or a cold huge mansion that makes you feel like a priced posssession in a museum? Has he ever even told you how and where he started to being this financial giant? Or does he tell you a sob story of his poor upbringing that he HIMSELF got himself to where he is now? When you try to tell him your dreams does he make you feel the way Joseph's brothers made him feel when he told them about his dream? Collectors do not mind keeping some possessions for years but because we are human we age and to a collector your value depriciates, he will just loose interest which he never had in you.
Someone might say I am jealous as I am not in that relationship. No dear, once upon a time I dated a multimillionnaire. It took a month or more and just things he would say that made me make a decision that is not what I hope for. I am a romantic and love spending time with a man who loves me and speaks into my life. Not a man who will give me thousands of rands to spend and tell me it is more than what I get paid. I was not comfortable in my own skin around him. It was weird how he was received by others like he was a god wherever he was, and yes he criticized my aspirations so I became unavailable for him. And yes collectors will never run after you if you leave them. You become like that not-so-much-of-a-loss-investment as he has many other investments. 

So woman, what is it worth for a man to gain the whole world but loose his soul (See Matthew 16;26)? Do you want such a cold relationship? You might loose your godly connection and loose your soul because you do not even know the source of this man's wealth.
 
Ok, I think I have said a lot about Potential Mistakes. These are not all of them. There is Mr-Put-The-Girl-Down, Mr. I-Want-A-Baby-Before-Marriage and many others you have probably met already. We all have our past, we all have been redeemed or detangled from what used to keep us from knowing God or be effective for Him. However He had to work on us first before we could be the downfall for others. I must now tell you about the Potential Priest but seeing that the Mistakes took me so long to write about and probably took you long to read aboutI will save that for the part 2  of "A Man Fit To Marry or Not To Marry".